Kiyotaka's Realization

Fanfic by Grum

Originally Posted Here

In my mind is an unforgiving void. All around, I see only pitch black. I know my emotions are in here somewhere. They were locked away in a chest by me a long time ago, but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to reopen them.

Unfortunately, I have no idea where in this vast, everlasting space that chest sits.

I stand here, isolated in my mind, talking to myself, or an object of my imagination.

“You ever regret creating me, Ayanokouji Kiyotaka?”

“No. You’re my only access to what little humanity I had left.”

“Haha, if that’s so, I would have disappeared long ago. After all, you had no humanity.”

“That may be so.”

“Do you know who I am, Ayanokouji Kiyotaka?”

“You’re a talking mirror I imagined.”

“Dumbass, I’m you.”


I have conversations with this thing every now and then. It was only me and it, I guess he would be more accurate, in this deep darkness that was my mind.

“What was I designed to do, Ayanokouji Kiyotaka?”

“To reflect anything and everything, even concepts. To reflect people’s thought patterns so I could create appropriate countermeasures.”

“Ha, that’s correct. I’m supposed to reflect all truths in the universe. But you know what’s ironic? I’m sure you already know it yourself know what are the only things I was never able to reflect?”

He was right, I did know the answer. That answer was the most agonizing truth about me. That answer represents something fundamental that was ripped from my heart, my soul. Regardless, I remained silent and he continued.

“Your eyes. I could never reflect your eyes. Your heart too. Entirely blank, cold, and empty. Blanker than a vacuum. Colder than absolute zero. More empty than the concept. Why couldn’t I reflect it, I wonder?”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Maybe I will. But that’s impossible. Because I’m you. What I know is what you know. Best I can do is tell you something you’re not aware of.”

“Do that then.”

“I can reflect your eyes and heart now.”

What? That should be impossible. They still should be locked away somewhere and I’ve never been able to find them all this time. The trillions of miles I’ve walked in this empty plain, everything dyed black, in all directions, never have I even glimpsed at it after I hid it away. So how?

“I can read your mind, you know? Haha, you really are a fascinating guy. A genius like you not being able to figure out something this obvious.”

“Get off your high horse and tell me.”

“You only locked away your existing emotions: joy, despair, anger, etc. all of them. But now, there’s something new that hadn’t existed before. Come on, the answer is obvious. I mean, it’s right in front of you.”

In front of me? Oh, I see now. The answer really was obvious after all. Because in this vast, unforgiving canvas of nothing. Me and this mirror weren’t the only ones here.

“Looks like you figured it out. The answer is now you have someone you cherish, don’t you?”

Standing at a distance was a girl I’m all too familiar with.

“You love her. Someone like you falling in love, I never would have imagined it. But. You’ve never fallen in love before. It makes sense you couldn’t lock it away, it hadn’t existed then.”

Her golden-colored hair, her violet eyes, a person I cherish more than anything.

“You want to protect her, don’t you? So don’t fuck it up.”

Her will that’s much stronger than my own. Her compassion and sweetness that I could never recreate. The person that helped me discover the meaning of “Love”.

“So go get her, my boy. Show me how you’ve grown. Make me reflect your heart, Ayanokouji Kiyotaka.”

She was the only thing that was emitting light in this barren land of nothingness. From a parasite to the person dearest to me, love can truly do some amazing things.

As I walked towards her, my mind became brighter with each step I took. It was as if the closer I was to her, the more color the artist painting my mind would apply to this empty canvas.

The first step I take, the white clouds start appearing, contrasting the black sky enveloping the heavens

The second step I take, little rocks on the ground appear.

The third step I take, the dark atmosphere turns slightly bluer.

With each step I took and the nearer I got to her, the more I saw in this empty realm. The closer I got to her, the more color appeared in my eyes.

I stood in front of her. The sky was then painted a deep blue, leaving no blank spots. Around me was no longer a lifeless void but a plain of grass, bearing the shade of green. The winds blowing all around, whistling as if it was an orchestra.

All around me were scenery of everything I’ve seen in my life, all painted and colored in. Even so, my sight was only on one single person, the one standing in front of me.

My deep brown eyes staring into her bewitching violet eyes, out eye contact was unbreakable. If I wasn’t careful, I would have been swallowed into those clear eyes.

Her eyes were saying “You can do it.”

And there, our lips finally met.

Her lips were soft. It was a sensation I had never felt before. I was sure that nothing else in the world could replicate this feeling burning inside me.

My heart was pounding with joy. My happiness was overflowing. Emotions were welling up inside me.

I closed my eyes and let my heart drift and fly on its own. I let the sounds and the sense of her lips touching mine guide me.

When I opened my eyes once more. I was back in reality. My lips were still touching hers.

It had felt so unreal that I thought maybe it was just my imagination. It made me relieved that none of it was just a dream.

After what felt like forever, a long time of pure bliss and overflowing emotions, our lips finally broke contact.

She slowly opened her eyes and we looked at each other once more.

“Kiyotaka, you’re smiling.”

I didn’t need her to tell me. I was sure I was since never before have I been this happy. And I was sure these feelings and this smile, all of it was genuine.

“Kei, I have no more doubt in my mind now. I love you, Kei.”

I laid my heart out for her to see. She could see into my chest and see my heart beating rapidly. My vulnerable, fragile, reborn heart exposed to the cold, harsh world. The only thing to do then was to wait for her to decide if she would embrace and accept these sincere feelings or not.

She didn’t respond. But from her face, I knew her response clearer and anything. We’ve known each other long enough to realize we could communicate even without words.

Her cheeks were blushing heavily and her entire face was flushed red. Her eyes were full of hope as if wanting me to go on.

“I love you more than anything Kei. I am sure about it. I want to become someone special to you. Do you trust me?”

Like before, she didn’t respond with words. She looked into my eyes that were no longer an empty void.

After what felt like hours waiting for her proper response, she slowly hugged me tight and looked up at me.

Her face was beaming with joy now. A smile so genuine it made me love her even more. There were still slight hints of red on her cheeks but they mostly disappeared. And then she replied to me properly, also laying out her heart for me to embrace.

“Yeah, I trust you, Kiyotaka. I love you too. Haha, you’re blushing too!”

I could only smile. My feelings have never been laid this bare and vulnerable. And Kei was kind enough to accept them willingly and not break them.

We both laid out our hearts, scarred from our past but healed with our time together. She truly was an irreplaceable existence.

Then, we kissed again.

As we sat on a bench at the end of the day, Kei leaned on my shoulders. She was probably sleepy and tired after such a long day.

“I forgot to tell you, Kiyotaka. Your confession was wrong.”

“Huh? Why?”

She looked at me and smiled once more. I had seen it so many times that day, but each time it fills with happiness nonetheless.

“It’s because you’re already someone special to me.”